A Lesson in Self-Esteem

I recently had a phone conversation with a good friend that really affected me. My friends and I tell each other stories about our stupidity ALL the time, but this time, I felt the need to get serious. She was going on and on about a guy she was seeing, and it was clear he did not see her as anything more than a sex partner. Which is fine, except that she has feelings for him. I’m going to say here what I said to her:

When we get caught up in bad situations, it’s important to be mindful of the fact that every experience affects our self-esteem. EVERY SITUATION. Any success or failure, big or small. Experiences will affect our self-esteem for the good or bad, and we have no control over that. We can control, though, is how deep it goes.

If you find yourself in a bad situation, you have to make a choice not to continue down that path. You have to value yourself over any other person. (With regard to being caught up in someone you know isn’t right)

You can’t keep chasing something destructive because that path will make you bitter. And one day, you decide “that’s it, that’s all that’s out there.” To me, this is where all the bitter statements like “Men ain’t shit” and “All men are dogs” come from. Women who stayed in bad situations for too long because, at the time, they just HAD to have it.

And, in my friend’s case, her bitterness could put her daughter at risk. It’s important for her to be a positive example and not pass that on. Girls who grow up with mothers who tell them there is no hope, no trust, and that all guys are bad – they grow up into women with low self-esteem who carry themselves like hoes. (That’s the best way I could come up with to phrase that, lol) They don’t even look for good guys; they continue the same cycle with the bad ones because they believe that’s all that’s out there.

I told my friend she HAS to stop, if for nothing else but to give her daughter a chance. I know it sounds extreme, but I really believe that. As a therapist, I have had many female clients, and no matter what our main focus is for treatment, at least one of the goals usually has to do with self-esteem. For some people, this could be like a first step.

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