How Do You Handle When Your Friend is Dating a Jerk?

Happens all the time… Your friend is involved with someone who is so blatantly wrong for them. In fact, it’s like the worse the guy is, the MORE she likes him! And then she wants to talk to you about him all the time. What do you do? Do you tell her she’s an idiot and put strain on your friendship? Do you pretend to be happy for her, and risk encouraging a situation that you know is going to be hurtful in the end?

A Major Mistake Guys Make With Finances

For this topic, I’ll speak on from experience. I’ve had this problem in a few of my own relationships, and it’s definitely something that hits home for me on many levels: When guys (and honestly, some girls) get so caught up in doing BIG things, they forget the SMALL things matter too. I’ve seen it through marriages in some of my clients and/or family members, and I’ve watched it happen to my friends.

When a man isn’t where he wants be financially, this can cause major issues. Men have a huge expectation on them to provide financially, an expectation which women don’t automatically have. A woman making less than her partner may cause a little friction, but it’s not looked at like a huge failure the way it is when a man is bringing in less revenue. For some, financial hardship can bring into question a guy’s very manhood and that can really hurt.

Rough Patches - I Finally Learned They Aren't Hopeless

Every now and then, I think something really good happens and all I can think is: “that’s perfect for the blog!” I really want my blog to be about people learning from each other’s experiences, so I try to include my take on stories I hear from friends or analyze my own situation.

One night a while back, I was having a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship. Even in the midst of all the tension, seriousness, and everything else, I was typing like crazy on my Blackberry so I could remember what was being said. I recently came across the note again, and I decided to post it. 

My boyfriend is a writer, so he expresses himself extremely well verbally. He explained his view of our situation so well that I had to write it down. The talk we had really helped me to understand where he was coming from and it took me out of my stubborn position. Anyone who knows me, knows that’s a really big deal – I make up my mind about something and that’s just it. I was irritated so I had decided I wasn’t going to put forth any effort to fix things and I had grown complacent with the barely talking to each other and having little arguments every day. We had been experiencing a lot of tension because of financial and professional stressors, so the quality of our interactions with each other had deteriorated significantly. In a nutshell: We just weren’t being nice to each other anymore. But we talked and, even though I was already going to stick it out, he helped me to decide to do my part and stop the BS now. It was like a revamping of our relationship and getting back to our original purpose: being together as we pursue our individual goals and get closer to the things we aspire to do as a couple as well. *Keep reading, because he had a great metaphor for the dynamic in our relationship*

Easy Ways to Give Your Relationship a Tune –Up

….or just maintain what you already have going.

Relationships are hard. Especially the long term relationships. The new ones are way easier, you make a few nice gestures… remember a birthday or some little known fact about them and suddenly you’re God’s gift to mankind. But when you’ve passed the New-New stage, those same little moves get forgotten. You feel like you know the person so well and people get comfortable. I think people should realize that those little courtesies you give people at work – making sure you check your attitude before you come at your boss, etc – or you give a random person at the store… Or even the politeness you would show a friend – should be shown to your partner, too.

Men, Y’all Out Here Creating These Monsters!!

Guys start talking to a girl (dating, but with no commitment. usually involved sexually), and when they realize the girl wants more – a relationship – they start pulling back. Not telling her flat out they don’t want to see her anymore, but definitely showing less interest and contacting her with less frequency. The calls stop, the texts are not as regular. Usually her friends are telling her to leave him alone or she just gets tired of feeling stupid - Eventually the girl gets the hint and feels like she is doing better when she leaves him alone.

After a while, the girl pops back up in the guys life and starts right back down the same path. She’s looking crazy, though. Why is she back? Why is she popping back up? Because the guy is doing little things to egg her on!

The thing that irritates me is, I have plenty of guy friends and when they get into a situation like this with a girl, they start complaining! They start getting irritated when the girl gets on “stalker status” and starts chasing him – not catching the hint that he’s not contacting her like he used to, and taking the initiative to call or text him anyway, or inviting herself over…trying to tag along when he goes out with friends the way she used to when he invited her during the beginning stages. The reason I don’t care for the complaints is because I feel like the guys cause the bullshit themselves! Yep, I think they ENCOURAGE the girls to act stalkerish, even though they are telling their friends she’s totally acting on her own & probably just obsessed with him.

Let me tell you how and why I think it is YOUR FAULT, men.

A Relationship doesn't mean the end of Independence, but the end of Independence could mean the end of a Relationship

Just because you are with somebody and you’re happy to be making two lives into one great life, don’t think it’s time to lose yourself. HAVE YOUR OWN THING GOING ON!

I lived with my ex-boyfriend for almost three years. Our relationship was great. I had a crush on him since I was 14 years old – I was the Freshman with a huge crush on a Junior, and the feeling never went away even when we got together years later. We played video games together, learned how to handle adult life, he saw snow for the first time with me – he even took a road trip with me & got to meet my biological father, whom I only see every few years. Our relationship eventually broke down, though, because he didn’t have a clear plan for the future or set goals/aspirations.

When you are young, your relationship can be your world. Typically, you are working a part-time job because you’re not old enough to have started your career, so that leaves you plenty of free mental space to focus on your significant other. This doesn’t work when only one person moving more towards some goal as they are getting older, and the other’s worldview remains the same. This is not to insult my ex, he was very smart and had dreams – he just wasn’t actively pursuing them.