"I Loved Him, Now I Have to Get Tested" - Email from a Reader

I got an email from someone that I thought was perfect to share for today. I woke up this morning and hopped on Twitter - besides talking on the phone, this is how I wake up lol - and immediately see that today, February 7th, is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. This email is from the point of view of a girl who recently had a sexual relationship with someone that she is regretting....and in the worst way - she fears she MAY have contracted something from him, or she's at least at risk. I think she captured all the crazy emotions, confusion, and fear perfectly. Read it and comment!!! She's a reader, so she'll see the responses :)

So it’s Tuesday and I just got tested for HIV. And Herpes. And Chlamydia. Actually I just got a panel of test that tested me for a number of sexually transmitted diseases (10 to be exact). I decided to go on WEBMD (aka- the DEVIL) to look up  all the different diseases. And then the bullshit ensued. Herpes …..is that a razor bump or an outbreak? Hepatitis….. my throat has felt a little dry lately. Chlamydia….my cramps were intense this month….HIV…..I can’t I’m done….*shuts down computer*

The Not-So-Obvious Benefits of STD & HIV Testing

There are the obvious benefits, of course – knowing your own status and your potential partner’s status is going to prevent contracting and/or spreading STD’s… but sometimes that’s not our first thought when we’re “in the mood.” When you start feeling somebody (either attracted to them, or starting to catch feelings) you’re not thinking about whether or not they’re going to give you a disease! If that’s what we were thinking, it would kill the mood almost immediately.

For this reason, I think the information about contraction rates, symptoms, safe sex practices, and all that stuff doesn’t motivate people to be safe the way it should. You don’t look at a good looking person and automatically think about protecting yourself from them. Some website or TV commercial warning you about how easy it is to spread HIV doesn’t always stick with you the way it should.  

But what ARE we thinking? Possibly about emotional attachment, whether or not the person feels the same way, a possible relationship with this person, etc… Realizing how much getting tested for STD’s and HIV can affect THESE things could actually motivate people to be more careful about it. At least I would think so.

There are other benefits to getting tested, beyond just health reasons. Getting tested could be related to your emotional attachment to a person; it can also show you whether or not that person feels the same way about you, and it could have a huge impact on a relationship you are already in:

Having Better Sex, Because You’re Actually Enjoying It

I’ve spoken many times to people around the topic of sex. Two things that come up are actually very related. Women (in heterosexual relationships, although these same feelings can apply to people in same-sex relationships) can sometimes complain that while having sex, a man can be solely interested in his own satisfaction. Women can just lay there, waiting the 30 minutes or so until it is over. Men I’ve spoken to say they can tell when a woman is not enjoying sex, and it makes for a very unsatisfactory experience. The man may still participate, but just like their female counterparts, they too can find themselves waiting for it to be over.

The solution, it seems, is for these women to make the sex work better for them. Don’t just let your satisfaction rely on your sexual partner; revise the part that you can control: YOU.

These are a few ways for any person, male or female, to have better sex by finding ways to enjoy it: