Young Love Makes Way For Better Relationships As An Adult

In a recent conversation with a friend, I thought of the value in teenage dating that I had never really considered before. My friend got a late start - she  didn’t really begin dating until the age of 21, whereas most people we knew started around 16. The differences between her and most people we knew in college were huge.  Any guy she started seeing probably had at least 3-5 years of dating experience, while she was just starting out… And it became obvious she was a little behind.

Even though teen age relationships seem insignificant in hindsight, I truly believe we are learning emotional competence during this time. We are able to practice handling emotions during teen years when the stakes weren't that high. If you cheat on your girlfriend, there usually wasn't child support or losing your home to think about. If you like someone a lot and it only lasts a week, it usually didn’t have that much of an effect on either of you – you get a new crush a month later, and they probably find someone just as quickly. As an adult, it can be dangerous to lead someone on.

Of course, this is not to say there are not consequences for your actions during the teen years; there are. That girlfriend you cheated on or person you led on probably made you feel horrible.  But the consequences weren’t as disruptive to your life as when you become an adult. It seems that we more fortunate if we are able to learn these lessons at a time where they are just that – lessons, and you move on.

I actually have a client I’m seeing for therapy who randomly had an issue relevant to this topic – she  found a hickey on her 14 year old son's neck. As she got deeper into what happened, she discovered the hickey was not from the girl who the family knew to be his girlfriend. Not too long after this, I met with the teenager by himself and he told me his mom made him tell his girlfriend and deal with this issue honestly. All I could think was “Wow; he's learning a lesson at 14 that some of my 30 year old friends have not learned to handle!”

The longer you have been dating, the more you have been practicing handling emotions. You've probably had to deal with Humiliation, some level of Heartbreak, Extreme Anger, Disappointment - so you're not completely caught off guard if one of these comes up again. You either know a good solution, or at least a personal example of what NOT to do.

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