Friends in Your Relationship: Are They Helpful or Just Butting In?

There are a lot of women who share intimate details of their relationships with their friends. Whether they are looking for advice or just wanting to vent; but how helpful is it? How much do you tell your friends, and how much of that “advice” should you follow?

There seem to be good points supporting each side.

Why friends are NOT helpful:

1. One thing to keep in mind when talking to friends about the bad times in your relationship: they are not there for the “make up.” If you call your friend and you’re saying something negative about your significant other, bear in mind that you guys will more than likely work it out. 9 times out of 10, the issue will be resolved privately, and then you have the challenging task of explaining to your friend why, although you started off really angry, you are now feeling like it’s “not that bad.” Most of the time, friends don’t fully understand – it’s hard to explain the sincerity in your partner’s voice during the apology, the look on their face, the fact that you would rather just be happy with them than to continue to the argument…

2. Talking to your friend can also bring back an issue you have already put to rest. It may happen like this: It’s already resolved,  and you’re ready to move on – but your friend doesn’t feel like the resolution was good enough. Everyone has their own personal boundaries/deal-breakers; you and your friend won’t always agree on the severity of an issue.

3. Emotions are not logical, but explanations usually need to be. This is important to keep in mind because as you are trying to explain why you are accepting an apology or putting up with something, you have to accept that you may not be successful in convincing your friend you are right. Your friend may never get it, and you may wind up in a few frustrating debates.

4. Your friend may be more invested in your break-up than you realize. If you are talking about problems in your relationship to an opposite sex friend (assuming you are heterosexual), that friend may see the problems as an opening to pursue something with you. Even with same sex friends; you may have less time for your friends because of your relationship, and they could give you advice or opinions that are geared toward breaking up your relationship, rather than remaining neutral.

A Few Ways Friends ARE Helpful:

1. They can keep you on track; when you are getting away from who you really are and doing things you wouldn’t normally do, it’s good to go to friends because they are an outside perspective.

2. If you tell your friend the story, you are responsible to someone for the outcome. Sometimes it’s good to have to answer to someone on the bigger issues. For example, if there is a serious infringement or disrespect by your partner, sometimes you could choose to let it go without a real solution simply because it’s easier. If you told your friend about it, though, they are going to ask follow-up questions or sometimes give you some pretty good questions to ask for yourself.

3. Sometimes you’re the one that’s wrong. Friends (good friends) should be neutral enough to give an outside perspective that can shine light on things you cannot see because you are too close to the issue. Sometimes this perspective is that the violation was your fault.

Answer this: What are other times friends can be helpful/hurtful? Do you feel like friends should NEVER be apart of your relationship at all? Or do you feel like friends are a NECESSARY part of your relationship? Are you a helpful friend?