Teens Waiting For Sex: Reasons & Issues That Actually Matter To Them [A Discussion Relevant for All Ages]

I really think teens believe adults are just preoccupied with their sex lives for no reason. As if parents are just trying to keep them from sexual activity as long as possible with no real logic behind it. In my opinion there are some real issues to consider, at any age, and teens would be surprised to know they're probably not what they assume. 

• Intimacy can be a risky thing: Regardless of your belief system, you can't ignore the fact that sec is an intimate/spiritual connection with another person. This means that when you lie down with someone (even for the more "casual" experiences of today's world), you talk on the issues/life experiences of that other person. The physical transference is apparent, pregnancy/STDs/etc, but the lots of times people are less aware of the emotional consequences. For instance, if you're a guy and you have sex with a girl who has a troubled past - maybe not enough attention from a parent, whatever - your situation is heavily affected. This girl can now have expectations of you, anger towards you when you don't call/text her back, or she becomes clingy.. And what consequences do you think come with a guy who had no father figure, and doesn't know how to respect his sexual partner? Or he has "Mommy-issues" and a deep down animosity towards women? Even girl on girl, guy on guy - the issues are the same. And the younger you are, the less equipped you are to deal with these things. 

• Results of sex aren't always pleasant: it's ideal to be old enough to both know about AND be able to handle the consequences. Of course something like pregnancy is always discussed, but what about your sexual health? There's things I know at my age about women's health that I didn't know before. Sorry for the graphic content, but, for example - if there's vaginal discharge, it matters if it's white vs yellow vs clear. Does it have a smell? These things can mean very different consequences. And men have their own set of health issues - circumcised vs uncircumcised, etc. 

Until you know what's going on with you body (which comes with age/experience/knowledge), don't risk it. And if there ever is an issue, as an adult you are able to handle it better. You have your own money, your own health insurance, your own car. Whatever happens, you don't have to call mom or dad to help you handle it and your confidentiality is up to your own discretion. 

• Older = you're more knowledgeable = sex is more pleasurable: This is my personal favorite because it comes from what my mom told me when I was 13-14. She said, "I wouldn't want to have sex with a 14 year old boy; some 30 year olds can't do it right, so I KNOW a teenage boy couldn't possibly be anywhere near what someone would want." (Now, of course she said a lot more, but honestly at my age THIS is what stuck out the most and was actually effective). Despite what my friends were saying and no matter how much they bragged, it always occurred to me that they probably don't even know enough to know what good sex even is. Forgetting about your sexual partner, even - YOU, yourself (as a teen) don't know enough about sex and your own body to have as pleasurable of an experience as you think you would. And the answer isn't a simple "practice makes perfect" approach. Sex with multiple partners isn't the way you learn these things in the most constructive way. Age helps, you get more confidence and self-awareness. Love helps. Knowledge helps. 

What other things help when talking to teens? Leave comments or email askkeeyar@gmail.com