Easy Ways to Give Your Relationship a Tune –Up

….or just maintain what you already have going.

Relationships are hard. Especially the long term relationships. The new ones are way easier, you make a few nice gestures… remember a birthday or some little known fact about them and suddenly you’re God’s gift to mankind. But when you’ve passed the New-New stage, those same little moves get forgotten. You feel like you know the person so well and people get comfortable. I think people should realize that those little courtesies you give people at work – making sure you check your attitude before you come at your boss, etc – or you give a random person at the store… Or even the politeness you would show a friend – should be shown to your partner, too.

I have a girl-friend who I have just decided must be the best girlfriend in the world. Let me explain. I’m at a birthday party/cookout and my boyfriend had some errands to run, so he wasn’t there yet. I’m pretty social so I’m running my mouth, hanging out, having a good time. Then the plates come out – down here (Miami) they give em to you all conveniently already in the take out box. I grab a plate and a drink, and I keep on talking. My girl (the world’s best gf) comes to me and asks, very sternly, where my boyfriend’s plate was. I was caught off guard because he wasn’t there. So, at first, I wanted to say “He’s not here. He doesn’t have a plate,” then I realized she was asking why I wasn’t HOLDING  a plate FOR HIM. Oh. So I grabbed a plate and kept it for him until he got there. It was a small thing, took barely any effort and he really appreciated it.

Another time, we’re out bowling and my boyfriend just hangs out without bowling, socializing and drinking because his back hurts. I asked him if he was okay, and moved on. I’m bowling, laughing  and talking with friends all night. Then it’s time to go. As we say our good-byes, I’m approached by that same girl-friend, and she tells me quietly to take care of his back. I start laughing to myself all the way to the car because it’s like she’s Betty Crocker, Susie Homemaker or something! I didn’t even think to address my bf’s back. He stopped complaining about it, so I forgot about it. When we got in the car, I tell my bf she must be the World’s  Greatest Girlfriend, cuz your girl don’t slip! And then I took my ass home and massaged that back! Hahaha (nothing worse than talking about how great somebody else is for being thoughtful and then blatantly choosing not to do that thoughtful thing for your partner).

I said all that to say – we can all be more thoughtful when it comes to our relationships. Getting used to someone and extra comfortable can be like a slow leak in a tire. Not a huge problem, but it’s eventually the reason you have to buy a new one.

I came up with a list of things people can do in their relationships that are small on their own, but make a HUGE difference. You can do these things no matter what state the relationship is in. Things may be just fine, but you could use a little tune up. You guys may be dealing with some heavy issues, or piecing things back together after a rough patch. Doesn’t matter. And, as always, it doesn't matter if you are in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. Everybody can use these tips.

Taking time to readjust your thinking and putting in the effort will always pay off. Some of these things require getting into a habit, too, so PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!

• Say Thank You:  you would give this small courtesy to the cashier, give it at home! Sometimes, it can feel weird thanking someone for doing what they always do. Especially when you do for them as well. Who cares? If you really think about things your partner does, they’re doing things they don’t HAVE to do. Getting up out of the bed to get you something because you don’t feel good, letting you watch your show when they wanted to see something else. Whatever it may be, SAY THANK YOU & name what you’re thanking them for. Other examples of things to be appreciative of are saying thank you to your bf/gf because they didn’t trip out on you for being the reason you guys are late to an event..not fussing when they saw that facebook wall post from your ex…trusting your word over what something may have seemed like..being a cool bf/gf and allowing the late night phone call from your opposite sex bff cuz they needed you at the time…SAY THANK YOU!!! It’ll do you some good. People like hearing it. They’ll keep doing these things because you’re showing you APPRECIATE it.
• Apologize:  Just like the last point where I said say thank you to them for not tripping on you for making you guys late to a friend’s party or whatever – apologize for it! I notice that if I’m late to something, forgot something, or even when I know it wasn’t that bad – I apologize at work! “Sorry for that over-sight…I apologize for getting back to you so late…” I have plenty emails to co-workers that give a quick apology when I may have slipped. It’s polite, shows you respect their time, SHOWS IF THEY DID IT TO YOU, YOU WOULD WANT AN APOLOGY… so do it in your relationship
• Ask them if they want some, too: You’re in the kitchen making yourself a sandwich. While you have out all the ingredients anyway, see if they want one. It’s an easy effort. Getting up from the couch to get a drink? It’s easy to pour two. This is something I’m personally practicing because I don’t like extra effort. I wanna make my sandwich and be done. But my bf is extra thoughtful and he always asks me when he’s getting himself something. And when I don’t do it, it creates tension. I realized, though, if his thoughtful-ness is one of the reasons I love him so much, why wouldn’t I do the same for him. I will say, though, I like when I ask him if he wants a sandwich and he responds with “It’s cool, I already ate.” Yes! Then I’m thoughtful and I didn’t have to do any extra work! Haha

• Buy something from the front of the store: when you’re out picking up something from the store, get them a little snack or drink or something you know they like. Right by the register is perfect. The things up there are inexpensive, and you don’t have to remember anything because no matter what, you’re gonna go to the register. Walgreens/CVS even has little $5 flower bouquets. These are perfect. It’s not anything big, but it slowly gets your message across that you’re thinking of them, even when they’re not around. It’s a physical expression of something subconscious.
• Be responsive: just like my day at the bowling alley. If your partner is expressing something, Good or Bad, respond to it. They’re hungry, they’re tired, they hated their day at work, they saw a commercial and just said it was interesting. You don’t have to have a full blown conversation about it. Just show you heard them. A lot of people don’t necessarily IGNORE their partner, but it can feel that way after months of comments going unanswered
• Say Good Morning/Good Night: I noticed that after a while of waking up together, we just seem to pop up and go our separate ways. A “good morning” takes two seconds & it can even open up a quick, light, nice conversation. If that person woke up before you, when you get out to the living room, stop and give a Good Morning real quick. Might surprise your significant other, especially those who have been together for years

Anyway, the major point is just to take time and give the same courtesy at home, that you would to people outside of the home. The worst thing you could do is realize you treat people you don’t know better than the ones you love

Leave a comment!! I love to hear other people’s opinions!!

Questions? Suggestions? Send them to askkeeyar@gmail.com – I’m still taking stories about relationships that failed and how you learned from them. Send those too! FOR DETAILS ON WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR CLICK THE LINK --> http://keeyar.blogspot.com/2010/09/send-me-your-stories-of-relationships.html