Why Do I Like The One I KNOW I Shouldn't??

I had a conversation with a good friend the other day, and we were both trying to decide what it is that makes us attracted to those situations we know logically we’re better off being out of. Like, Why we love that ex-boyfriend we know just aint no good… Or why we tend to get more excited about the “bad guys” over the good, respectful, “safe” ones. It seems like we get bored with guys who treat us right, call consistently, don’t break our trust, tell us the truth about everything – all the things the “safe” guys do without any hard work, sweat, and tears on our part. But then, we fuss and fight with the bad guys for not doing those EXACT things! 

What makes us stick around and try to fix something, when we could just move on and find something that comes already established. We even had examples of our friends who got into something good and still looked back at a past, broken relationship and felt a twinge of nostalgia.

I brought up some reasons that were both funny and actually seemed to make some sense [these things apply to guys, girls, heterosexual relationships, and homosexual too. I’ve talked to plenty guys involved with girls they know aren’t good for them, and they can’t seem to figure out why. And my gay friends too, just can’t figure out why they keep being drawn to someone who can’t give them what they deserve]:

·        High Risk Investments Yield a Greater Reward: This is my favorite idea we talked about. You know how the stock market works, right? If you invest in something risky, you have the potential to get a huge return. You get this huge return because of the risk, though – just like you could possibly win big, you can also lose it all. That’s why, if you take that risk, you get more than the people who go with the sure-thing. The safer investments only earn you a small percentage more than you put in, but those are almost always a definite way to earn something - smaller earnings, but at least it’s pretty much a guarantee. I look at these relationships – valuing the risky relationships over the safe ones – in the same way: Yea, he’s no good, but how GREAT would it be to make it work with him? It’s almost like, if you can get all your hard work to pay off, somehow the return on your investment will be so much bigger. Safety must seem a little boring. Who doesn’t expect it to work out with the good guy? Of course Mr. Dependable will marry you and you guys will have your 2.5 kids and drive your mini-van…but the dangerous one, the relationship that everybody told you had no hope – who wouldn’t want to see that one work out?! Craziness, but I think it happens.

·        A lot of girls just want to feel special: One thing I notice, even in my own past, is people’s need to feel unique and special in their relationships. This relates here because if you’re dating someone who you can tell is everything but safe, it would make you feel pretty special if you can be the one to get that loose cannon to settle down. For some girls, it would be the best thing ever to prove something to everybody telling you that person is no good or look at you like you’re stupid for continuing to stay in a bad relationship – show them he can and would change, for YOU. Maybe his past disrespect, cheating ways, and all the stuff he did to other girls was because they weren’t YOU. Maybe he just needed to come around, eventually realize your worth, and then straighten up. Not a good thing to bet on, but I’m sure the thought feels good.

Anyway, that's just a few ideas from the top of my head. What are your reasons? Why do you think people are drawn to the high-risk situations, and sometimes MORE than they are to the guaranteed/safe ones??

Also - KEEP SENDING YOUR STORIES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT!! LET'S HELP EACH OTHER LEARN FROM OUR JOINT EXPERIENCES! FOR DETAILS ON WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR CLICK THE LINK --> http://keeyar.blogspot.com/2010/09/send-me-your-stories-of-relationships.html