How NOT to Let Facebook & Twitter Ruin Your Relationship

I always hear people screaming about how social networks are “ruining relationships,” but I think a relationship can do just fine if there are guidelines. I don’t think the answer is deciding you can only date someone who doesn’t have a facebook, twitter, or myspace profile. I think the answer is upholding some kind of standards. Besides, a website can't do anything you don't LET it do

**My constant disclaimer: these things apply to many relationships! Every generation is on social networking sites nowadays so people in marriages, new relationships, live-in relationships – every stage can relate to this. And it gender doesn’t matter either. Guys and girls deal with both sides of the issue. As well as those in homosexual or heterosexual relationships.**

There are plenty ways you can make sure your relationship is stable, despite all the horror stories you hear from other people about how "facebook" killed their relationship. These tips I suggest here are just a few of the most important steps I feel people can take: 

1. Don’t reply to the DMs (Direct Messages on Twitter)!

Or facebook inbox messages. Or however someone tries to privately approach you. Inbox messages and DMs are more intimate than wall posts and @ replies on Twitter.

You tweet about being tired…someone DMs  you, “What you doin up?” Or you say something funny and you get a DM saying “LOL.” Or even more boldly, you get messages that get straight to the point, like “What’s up with me and u?” DON’T RESPOND!! These are invitations to disaster. Sure, you may see the conversation as something harmless, but the details of the conversation usually isn’t really the point. That person may feel some sort of satisfaction just from having you messaging them back and forth. That may be all they really need to feel like they have their foot in the door. They can feel like they have exposed a weak point in your relationship. And they kind of have. No one’s holding a gun to your head saying you have to respond. You may feel like you’re being rude, but at least you aren’t causing problems in your relationship. If it can’t be out in the open, that person was up to no good. An LOL means the same thing out in the open. They don’t need to be all up in your inbox with it.

2. Don’t tweet or update your status with every emotion

If you’re going through something in your relationship, you may feel the urge to vent about it online. DON’T DO IT! You can’t take something back once you put it online. Even if you go back and erase it. And what you may not realize is, once you’re happy and over whatever it was and you want to tweet about how “great” your bf/gf is….guess what??? WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU!

Your best bet is to keep it to yourself. Or at least watch your words. Don’t be so extreme. You’re upset at your bf – okay, that’s cool. But don’t say “niggas ain’t shit.” That’s too much. And nobody else knows you’re just exaggerating. At this point, it looks like your bf treats you like shit, and then tomorrow when you’re all happy with him, it looks like you accept that treatment. Even overly positive statements are too much. You can look crazy if you’ve been proclaiming how wonderful your relationship is, and then 6 months later you find out things aren’t so perfect. So just cool it. Tweet or update your facebook about your career or something else productive.

3. Don’t play the Numbers Game, Q and A game, or whatever else they come up with

If you don’t know what these are, basically it’s just that your friends send you a random number or question, and you put the number in your status and say how you really feel about them, or answer their question without putting who asked. There are also those Blackberry chain messages saying things like “Ask me any question for the next hour, and I will give my honest answer.” Personally, I think playing games like these – whether you are single or not - means you must really need attention. Or maybe a damn job, because I don’t even have the time to devote to this kind of stuff!

But, in regards to relationships, I think it is obvious that these games are for people who are looking for an opening. They are fishing for something and looking to see who will bite. Why do you think all the games center on past high school crushes and other old connections? If you are satisfied in your relationship, then don’t even open yourself up to these temptations, or other people putting their temptations onto you.

4. When looking at your partner’s page, don’t react unnecessarily

If you see a wall post or reply that makes you upset, hold off before you react. Check yourself and understand that your role in your partner/bf/gf’s life shouldn’t be to take away their social life. Their friends should be able to contact them. And nowadays, the majority of socializing is done online. Consider the source: Who is the person that is saying something? Is it a good friend? Random person, acting on their own? Or is it really something to think about, like a person they used to be involved with, and who’s intentions may be negative? After considering the source, look at what was said. Really look at it. If your partner is saying something about a TV show they are watching and someone starts going back and forth with them about it – think about the conversation before you get jealous or upset. If the conversation is harmless, let them have it. Don’t cause problems where there isn’t one. Now, if the comment says “Come watch it over here with me,” then you may have a problem on your hands! Lol

5. If an issue arises – Let THEM deal with it!

If you feel someone says something on your bf or gf’s facebook wall or twitter that crosses the line, let your partner know and let them handle it. If you, instead, go and contact that other person – even if you are 100% right – you look very insecure. And your significant other can look like a fool, too. Another reason you should let them handle it is because when the reprimand is coming from them, it is much more respected. When it’s coming from you, it looks like you’re the only one who has a problem with the situation – and if your bf/gf/spouse could, they’d be talking to the person. This can put your relationship in a bad light, and you should want to present a united front.

6. Handle issues when YOUR friends step out of line

What if it’s YOU who has the inappropriate post on your wall? Handle it right away! You may have to tell your friend they are being a little “extra.” You can do it in a joking way, if you feel that makes it easier. Add some LOL’s and do whatever you need to do. For example, say something like: “Hey, I know what you’re trying to say, but out of respect for my relationship, I would appreciate it if you watch how you say certain things…” Don’t second guess it. Just type it and press send! It may feel awkward, but you have to decide which is more important – being nice or maintaining your relationship.

If the problem persists, delete the person. That person doesn’t have much respect for YOU if they can’t back off when you ask them. And no matter how you do it, don’t put it on your significant other, like “My girlfriend doesn’t like…” You sound dumb. Take some responsibility for your relationship. However, if the only reason you are saying something is because of your partner, and you genuinely feel nothing was out of line, then you need to have that conversation with your partner. Maybe it’s them who needs to chill.

I’m sure there are MANY MORE ways to handle social networking. What do you think about these tips? And what things have worked in your relationships?

Questions, Comments, Suggestions? Comment here or email askkeeyar@gmail.com