A Major Mistake Guys Make With Finances

For this topic, I’ll speak on from experience. I’ve had this problem in a few of my own relationships, and it’s definitely something that hits home for me on many levels: When guys (and honestly, some girls) get so caught up in doing BIG things, they forget the SMALL things matter too. I’ve seen it through marriages in some of my clients and/or family members, and I’ve watched it happen to my friends.

When a man isn’t where he wants be financially, this can cause major issues. Men have a huge expectation on them to provide financially, an expectation which women don’t automatically have. A woman making less than her partner may cause a little friction, but it’s not looked at like a huge failure the way it is when a man is bringing in less revenue. For some, financial hardship can bring into question a guy’s very manhood and that can really hurt.

Because of this, I have seen men become completely overwhelmed with their financial responsibilities and subsequently obsessed with making money, more money. It doesn’t even have to come from outside sources – oftentimes their partner isn’t even complaining about the money they are or aren’t bringing in. The messages from society saying “You should be making/doing ‘this’ much” are strong enough that the guy can feel the pressure all by himself, and he most likely feels it daily, with no reminders from anyone else.

This obsession causes a few problems, in my opinion. More than likely, a guy will not take on a serious relationship when he is not where he wants to be financially or otherwise – unfortunately they usually do anyway because no one wants to pass time alone. So, a relationship starts in a less than ideal circumstance. The guy usually cares a great deal about the partner he is with, and therefore he wants to ‘give them the world.’ I think right here is where men and women see things differently. The guy is so focused on big things – you deserve trips, a nice house, a better car, expensive clothes, jewelry – and he forgets what counts RIGHT NOW. Those things are fine for the future, but if you are not tending to things in the present, the person you want to give those things to may not even be around for all of that.

What men should realize is that their significant other is with them NOW – so don’t ignore the present! If that person loves you today, then that means there’s already something there that is good enough to keep them. So work with what you have. You don’t have a lot of money? Ignore things that cost a lot to do. Show love with the resources you have. Do you have a car? Go somewhere and do something free. Do you know how to cook? Make breakfast in bed – even if it’s cereal, bagels, and orange juice, it’s still thoughtful. One thing my boyfriend and I used to was play iTunes on the balcony and drink wine for hours. We would take turns picking our favorite songs and just play them for each other (and dance). A lot of the things we did at the beginning stages cost little to nothing, so I couldn’t understand how money became such a huge issue later on. And it wasn’t coming from MY side! That was the most confusing of all. It was like he was his own critic, downing himself when I hadn’t even said much.

A very tough issue for me arises with this conversation. My parents split up when I was little, and my mom was remarried. I believe this put a lot of pressure on my father to do things to show he was still there for us. I think this made him feel like he had to “go big, or go home,” and unfortunately my dad wasn’t rich. Sometimes the things he probably wanted to get for us were out of his league financially. He was already the dad we didn’t live with, so I know he didn’t want to be the one with the less than wonderful gifts. So, what happened? There were times we didn’t hear from him at all. Not because he didn’t care, but because whatever gift he could have gotten would not have fully represented the love he was trying to show from such a long distance/time. I think about this a lot, and it’s unfortunate because I think it affected the relationship my brother and I had with our father.

In many of the discussions I’ve had around this issue, what stands out the most is that while your eyes and energy are focused on the future, the present is steadily passing you by. You are wasting time and straining relationships. There’s no rule that says you can’t secure your future while simultaneously nurturing your present. It takes work, but the good things always do. The worst-case scenario is that you spend all your time thinking about how much your girlfriend/partner/wife deserves and how you want to give it to her, and months go by with no effort in the present. What happens then? Loved ones need that day to day, as well as a future. The bigger the dream, the longer it takes. And after several years, you may not even have that person you want to give the world to. Then what? One person said: it's like having dreams of fame when you're young and completely missing out on your childhood - you don't have to miss out on today, just because you want tomorrow to be great.

I wrote this blog because I think situations like this happen so often, and people should catch it before years go by and relationships are irreparably damaged.

What about you? Do you think the present is just as important? Have you seen someone get so caught up in the big things, that they forget how big of an impact the little things can have?

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