The Only Time You Know He Wants To Be with You Is When He’s Begging To Stay (Advice to MEN & Women)

[I’m going to speak on this one in terms of a male to female relationship, but it applies across the board to gay relationships as well. You can always substitute gender terms if it applies]

Sometimes I really wish I could just scream to guys: “Your girl is trippin because the only time she can tell you want to stay is when you’re begging her not to go!” And what do I mean by that? I mean, for some girls, the only time they really hear about how much their man loves them is when she’s had enough and told him she wants out. Then come the tears and the begging and the professions of undying love.

The problem: In some relationships, men get comfortable. In the day to day they seem to take their partner for granted – there’s no appreciation, mention of the things he loves about his partner, no over-the-top “I Love You’s,”no random romantic gestures…nothing. If the couple argues, he might walk out or in the days after, he’s fine with the silent tension.

But, the apology is so much fun: Without even being conscious of it, a lot of girls look forward to when the guy messes up. Here, the fun begins. When men are sorry, they become gentleman – opening doors and such – and experts on the things their partner loves – bringing her favorite food home for dinner, taking her to her favorite places, doing all the things she loves. There’s more! NOW he wants to talk it out, NOW he sees her point of view, NOW it’s totally cool if she’s too tired to have sex with him, NOW he’ll cuddle, NOW he’s going to stop the immature actions, and NOW he’s telling her he appreciates the things she does for him and couldn’t live without it.

And so it creates a pattern: When a girl is stuck in a situation where her guy is only extra-thoughtful or affectionate during the times he has to make up for his wrong-doings, she can unconsciously start to look for situations where he must apologize. These can come from looking in his phone and finding suspicious text messages, checking online social networking accounts, bringing up past hurts – whatever works. If you look at the logic of it all, who can blame her? She has a need – caring, affection, romance – and there’s a clear way to get from her man. May not be the most healthy way, but makes sense if we’re looking at the black and white of it.

What to do – GUYS: This is too easy – start doing the over-the-top loving actions during the day-to-day period. Look for moments to do what you usually do when you’re trying to get out of the dog house. Bring flowers, talk out disagreements more often, try to pay attention to the little things. Save yourself the headache, because people are driven to meet their needs and if your partner needs all these things from you, it’s better if you provide them willingly and without having to be prompted everytime.

What to do – LADIES: If you realize you’re stuck in one of these patterns, the best thing to do is get out of it. Start by letting your significant other know that they’re the kind of guy mentioned in this blog (don’t say it like that LOL) – they seem to only really put forth effort when they’re in the wrong. Then let them know you want effort in the calm times, too. If that doesn’t work, you may really want to take your entire relationship into consideration. Yes, guys may be super-easy to deal with when they’re apologetic, but you have to do right for your own mental health. This cycle is not a healthy one.

Lastly, there’s nothing wrong with your partner being great at apologizing! The unhealthy part of these situations is that the caring attitude is missing during times when he’s not apologizing. If you have both, then (in my opinion) you’re doing pretty well.

Anybody agree/disagree? This ever happen in one of your relationships?

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