Why Do I Like The One I KNOW I Shouldn't??

I had a conversation with a good friend the other day, and we were both trying to decide what it is that makes us attracted to those situations we know logically we’re better off being out of. Like, Why we love that ex-boyfriend we know just aint no good… Or why we tend to get more excited about the “bad guys” over the good, respectful, “safe” ones. It seems like we get bored with guys who treat us right, call consistently, don’t break our trust, tell us the truth about everything – all the things the “safe” guys do without any hard work, sweat, and tears on our part. But then, we fuss and fight with the bad guys for not doing those EXACT things! 

What makes us stick around and try to fix something, when we could just move on and find something that comes already established. We even had examples of our friends who got into something good and still looked back at a past, broken relationship and felt a twinge of nostalgia.

I brought up some reasons that were both funny and actually seemed to make some sense [these things apply to guys, girls, heterosexual relationships, and homosexual too. I’ve talked to plenty guys involved with girls they know aren’t good for them, and they can’t seem to figure out why. And my gay friends too, just can’t figure out why they keep being drawn to someone who can’t give them what they deserve]:

Send me your stories of relationships that didn't work out!! Send to AskKeeyaR@gmail.com

I'M STARTING A NEW PROJECT!! I want to know YOUR stories about relationships that ended. Everyone always wonders while they're in a relationship and things get hard, "Is it time to say goodbye? Or should I stick through it and work it out?"

So, send me stories [to AskKeeyaR@gmail.com] about your past relationships. I want to know, 

• How it started. 
• What was the good part? What was the bad part?  
• How many chances did you give it?
• Did you know the whole time it was doomed from the start? Or did something happen?
• What was the last straw?
• What do you think the problem was? Where did things go wrong? 
• Did your friends/family affect your decision to end it?
• Are you better now, as a result of the break up?
• If you could turn back time, would you do it again for the experience, or would you avoid it all together?
• Most importantly - WHAT DID YOU LEARN? And did you apply these lessons to your next relationship/situation?

Send me your stories to AskKeeyaR@gmail.com!!! I want to compile the stories and see what we can ALL learn from them. See if any patterns exist that may help other people experiencing something similar. Put as little or as much detail as you want. I'll change any names or specific info - or you can leave it out. It's all about the lessons people can learn & how people can get help hearing what others have gone through. Eventually, I'll start posting them as the Relationships That Ended Story of the Week.


Can't wait to hear what everyone has to say!! 

update 9/22/10: 
If you can, put submissions in a story format. Write the story of your relationship, just try to answer as many of the questions above as you can. I've been getting some great stories! Thank you to everyone! Keep em comin!

No bullshit! (Relationships & what comes with 'em): Couples Arguing – In Front of Kids? Yes or No?

No bullshit! (Relationships & what comes with 'em): Couples Arguing – In Front of Kids? Yes or No?

Couples Arguing – In Front of Kids? Yes or No?

What do you think should happen? A couple is having an argument. Things are getting heated, and get really bad, really fast. The argument starts getting personal, and mean things are said. One partner may threaten to leave the relationship, the couple decides to break up or separate, or someone storms out of the house because things have gotten so bad. Whatever happens, happens right? It’s their business. But let’s say this couple has children. What then? In most situations I hear about, after a fight like this, no one explains anything to the kids. Maybe they are forgotten about because they were in another room watching TV or doing their own thing. Maybe the kids weren’t home during the argument, so why give an explanation? The couple isn’t pretending everything is perfect; they just want to protect their children from unnecessary stress and getting upset.

I recently had a deep conversation with someone dealing with this exact issue and I’m going to share what I told them about how I felt about it.

Why Do Relationships Get Harder As They Get More Serious?

When I talk to people in long term relationships, I always hear about how the first two years were great. Or the first 6 months. Or for the even longer relationships, you hear about the “7-year itch” – as in, things were good up until 7 years. For this reason, people say they like to be single or they don’t want to get into a relationship because things will eventually go bad. People are blaming time or the seriousness of the relationship, as if that’s what the problem is.

It definitely gets harder when your relationship gets deeper, but in my eyes there are very clear reasons for this. It’s not the length of time, necessarily, that is the problem. If that’s the case, you can just set up a cut off time for your relationships, like say 3 years, and just get a new partner every 3 years. I don’t think that will solve it. I think with seriousness comes a few key things that can be hard to deal with: you get to know who someone really is, people start giving their real opinion, and routines have to be set in more realistic ways – ways that each partner can deal with over a long period of time, rather than everybody being so agreeable. 

“W.W.A.D.: What Would Amber Do?” – Your Friends & Your Man

This is a saying me & my best friend have started that basically represents how you should act, as a woman, if you feel like your female friends are crossing the line with your boyfriend. Amber is one of my friends that we all know doesn’t play that shit. Amber snaps on just about everything when it comes to her boyfriends. She doesn’t like other girls getting too comfortable with him, she wants an explanation for missed calls/texts, if a guy’s story of some event isn’t adding up, Amber isn’t having it – she will go back over something 100x until she feels he’s satisfied her question, if his phone is ringing/vibrating late at night – she would like to know who it is that is contacting him, and maybe even What for.

While Amber can be a little intense in our opinion, there are times where Amber’s attitude is just the attitude you need to adopt. 

The Party Life - Threatening a Good Relationship

I have a friend from back in school who recently came to me about a very serious matter. Because it’s such a sensitive issue and my friend is a very private person, I’m going to give very little detail about the situation – leaving out any specifics that may be identifying. But I will say exactly what I told him because his situation and the conversation we had around it really touched me. I thought it would be perfect to share here because it may help someone else and I’d be able to get feedback from other people.

He came to me because he was having some issues with infidelity. He’s generally a quiet guy, but because of the industry he’s in (whether it be entertainment, athlete, etc), he’s being put in more and more situations where he’s having to put on this façade for the outside world and be this “party guy.” He said he’s not used to all the attention he’s been getting, and he’s starting to feel the pressure of having to juggle everything. With all this newfound popularity and living this party lifestyle comes GIRLS. And that’s where the biggest problem lies. Before he wasn’t in the public eye as much, him & his girlfriend only had regular/everyday issues – now they’re dealing with the cheating stuff over and over.

Even to this day, from the outside looking in my friend & his girlfriend have a really great relationship. They’ve been together since before all the popularity, etc, and he’s a great boyfriend to her. If his professional goals call for him to go out, he takes her with him. Everyone who knows him, knows his girlfriend, and envy the closeness they have. There is no doubt he loves her & she loves him. Everything is great at home, so why does he keep messing up? How does he get a handle on things and stop before he really loses a great girl?