Men, Y’all Out Here Creating These Monsters!!

Guys start talking to a girl (dating, but with no commitment. usually involved sexually), and when they realize the girl wants more – a relationship – they start pulling back. Not telling her flat out they don’t want to see her anymore, but definitely showing less interest and contacting her with less frequency. The calls stop, the texts are not as regular. Usually her friends are telling her to leave him alone or she just gets tired of feeling stupid - Eventually the girl gets the hint and feels like she is doing better when she leaves him alone.

After a while, the girl pops back up in the guys life and starts right back down the same path. She’s looking crazy, though. Why is she back? Why is she popping back up? Because the guy is doing little things to egg her on!

The thing that irritates me is, I have plenty of guy friends and when they get into a situation like this with a girl, they start complaining! They start getting irritated when the girl gets on “stalker status” and starts chasing him – not catching the hint that he’s not contacting her like he used to, and taking the initiative to call or text him anyway, or inviting herself over…trying to tag along when he goes out with friends the way she used to when he invited her during the beginning stages. The reason I don’t care for the complaints is because I feel like the guys cause the bullshit themselves! Yep, I think they ENCOURAGE the girls to act stalkerish, even though they are telling their friends she’s totally acting on her own & probably just obsessed with him.

Let me tell you how and why I think it is YOUR FAULT, men.

I think you like the attention. Hell, why not? It’s got to be a huge ego boost to see you have a girl tripping over you all the time. She’s updating her facebook or twitter status about you, making little comments that she thinks nobody is catching onto – but everybody knows it’s about you. They know because everybody knows everybody’s business – but they also know because guys are out there running their mouth about it!! Sighing when they hear little stories through the grapevine about her still hanging onto him, or laughing with their friends about how he got the girl sprung.

Because guys like the attention deep down inside, they’re encouraging the girl’s behavior. The outside world doesn’t see that the guy is texting her every now and then. When he hasn’t heard from her in a while, he’ll get in contact with her, even if’s for a small conversation. He’ll say something nice to her, bring up an inside joke they shared, he’ll be watching a tv show they may have watched together and send her a quick message about it. A lot of times, too, he’s still having sex with her. Guys have to know these things are sparking the fire back up, or keeping it going. What do you think is going to happen when you send her cute little messages, knowing how she feels about you?

So why do they do it?? Why do guys keep in contact with girls who they know they don’t want anything serious with? I don’t know, so I asked! I asked my guy friends, my boyfriend (about his past, lol), everyone. Even a guy who did the shit to me. And they gave me their reasons.

One thing that was said is, “She may be annoying, but she wasn’t annoying sexually. So you hit her up [contact her] so you can have sex with her again.” – For some reason, guys like to dip back [that’s what I call it when they go back to a past situation that failed for whatever reason and have sex with her again]. A guy may be in a dry spell at the time, no girl in particular he can call for sexual company, so he goes into his little black book and he knows for sure this girl will be a potential sex partner. And with no hardwork attached! He knows what it takes to get her back in, so he gets back in touch.

Another thing a guy told me was that he wants to remain friends with the girl because he wants to sort of ERASE the bad in the past. He gets back in contact with a girl and tries to be on good terms to make up for whatever disappoints there may have been between them in the past. If he hurt the girl’s feelings, he wants to make up for it by being really nice now. I thought he was just crazy, until I heard it from more than one guy! Guys want to end on a good note and have girls remember them in a good way. This is fine & dandy, except the fact that I believe it’s just causing the girl more pain in the long run. Guys have to just let the girl take the hint that he doesn’t like her in a girlfriend-way, and let her hate them! Geez, if she is pissed and the only way she can move on is to hate the guy, I say let her! You don’t need to be all sweet & tell her little things that let you know you remember stuff about her, and talk about cute little memories you guys had. Y’all don’t need to be buddies. You don’t need to bring her lunch to her job. These behaviors confuse the girl, and she will eventually jump right back in and start back with the emotional attachment. I said these things to the guys I spoke to, and surprisingly they agreed. They saw the negative side of trying to be so nice, and one guy even said he had recently decided he would stop trying to keep in touch with girls from his past and “un-doing” the wrongs from those situations. It’s easier said than done, however, because a lot of people are people-pleasers and just want people to be happy – so I can kind of sympathize with these guys and see where they are coming from. A little. I still say STOP THE SHIT, though. It’s causing more harm than good :) 

[Comments on blogs can be sent to: askkeeyar@gmail.com & they will be posted for you]