A Relationship doesn't mean the end of Independence, but the end of Independence could mean the end of a Relationship

Just because you are with somebody and you’re happy to be making two lives into one great life, don’t think it’s time to lose yourself. HAVE YOUR OWN THING GOING ON!

I lived with my ex-boyfriend for almost three years. Our relationship was great. I had a crush on him since I was 14 years old – I was the Freshman with a huge crush on a Junior, and the feeling never went away even when we got together years later. We played video games together, learned how to handle adult life, he saw snow for the first time with me – he even took a road trip with me & got to meet my biological father, whom I only see every few years. Our relationship eventually broke down, though, because he didn’t have a clear plan for the future or set goals/aspirations.

When you are young, your relationship can be your world. Typically, you are working a part-time job because you’re not old enough to have started your career, so that leaves you plenty of free mental space to focus on your significant other. This doesn’t work when only one person moving more towards some goal as they are getting older, and the other’s worldview remains the same. This is not to insult my ex, he was very smart and had dreams – he just wasn’t actively pursuing them.

During this time, I’m learning how big the world is. My high school was a terrible environment for getting ahead in life – we were surrounded by pregnancy, fighting, and crazy weaves lol – and there weren’t too many people around whose major priorities included Education. I was in my second year at the University of Notre Dame and I’m seeing real success, real money, and real life! Unlike before where I was at the top of my class, now I’m having to step my game up to fit in. I’m not satisfied anymore with nights drinking and just hanging out. I have papers and group projects in class – which means I’m going to have to work with group members of the opposite sex.

My boyfriend is not understanding why I need guys calling my phone. In his world, the only girls he’s professionally involved with are at his same part-time job (similar to what he was doing in high school), and there exists NO TIME where a business call is even necessary.

Situations like these started to cause lots of tension. I felt like he could have gone to school or began his own professional development, and then he would have understood where I was coming from a little more.

In a conversation with him a while after we had broken up, I explained it to him like this: I felt like he just couldn’t relate to the times I had to stay at school late studying or writing papers. He’d say there was no way I needed to stay at school until 2 a.m. doing a PAPER, and he’d get suspicious. I used the example of a doctor and their hectic schedule. As a spouse to a doctor, if you aren’t a doctor yourself, it’s hard to understand the immense pressure they are under or how lack of sleep affects their mood or how they could have so easily forgotten a birthday or anniversary – when patients’ lives are on the line. Not saying that I was a doctor or anything, but my point was still about the difference in our perceptions. It can cause friction in the relationship & blow things out of proportion when two people aren’t at the same place in life.

He didn’t feel like my top priority – and he wasn’t. But not in a bad way. There has to be a period of time in your life where your own progression is your top priority. And if you have a partner who is working on his or her own self as well, you have a balance. One person can’t feel left out, or feel like you don’t value them over everything else – because they get it. They have their own stuff going on, and they recognize a long night spent in pursuit of a dream for what it is – and it doesn’t have to become an argument or be a trust issue. This is how people get the things they want in life and have success.

This success has a spillover effect and will inevitably have a positive effect on every area of your life – and oftentimes the first place people will notice positive change, is in their personal or romantic relationships.

Comments? Questions? Feedback?