Many times people can make statements or feel a certain way about their relationship in a time of anger or extreme passion - but not take the time to really think before they speak. Arguments can happen or you can put yourself in a bad place mentally all because you aren't being 100% realistic in your own assessment of what is going on. Almost like a caricature; you're focusing on some features of your relationship, but not taking everything as a whole.
Make SURE you're SURE before you let your emotions take over and you're saying things you don't mean or you get yourself all worked up over nothing.
I'll present here one major way people can negatively affect their relationships or emotional well-being by focusing on a few things, and not The Whole. (There are ways people can amp up their relationships, too, and make themselves feel like things are better than they really are, but I'll save that one for another time)
*Poor You. You're perfect, and your partner just fucks up everyday, all day*
This is not true. And if it is, why aren't you dating someone who you feel is on your level?
If you know deep down inside you really love them, and you may just be exaggerating in a moment of anger or hurt, take a step back and think before you start complaining. If you are trying to express your feelings to your partner, don't get into the comparisons of how you do things right, and they are messing up constantly.
When you're comparing how they never do this or that, you are setting yourself up for a situation where you guys are in a competition. It can become that you both are constantly waiting on the other person to mess up so that you or them can be on top now.
Instead, be realistic and give them credit for the fact that it's not all the time that they are making mistakes. This time may be a big mistake, or something you just need to get off your chest - but do make sure you note previous times where they may have handled a similar situation in a better way. If something like the current situation you are angry about has happened before, was there ever a time your partner acted in a way that was more to your liking or more sensitive towards your feelings? If so, talk about that in your conversation as well.
When you show that you are balancing your perspective, and not just bringing up only the negative, it shows your partner that you do appreciate their value to your life. Pointing out the bad can get exhausting for both of you - you're talking and feeling like you're not being heard, and they're getting mad. You can feel like you're not being heard because more than likely, you aren't. When a person feels like they have to be on the defensive, they are going to be doing way more talking than listening. When you establish that you are trying to be fair, that other person will be more open to what you have to say & make changes.
This distortion in a person's perception can add negativity and waste a conversation and both partners' time.
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Remember you can send me stuff to AskKeeyaR@gmail.com, too!
Make SURE you're SURE before you let your emotions take over and you're saying things you don't mean or you get yourself all worked up over nothing.
I'll present here one major way people can negatively affect their relationships or emotional well-being by focusing on a few things, and not The Whole. (There are ways people can amp up their relationships, too, and make themselves feel like things are better than they really are, but I'll save that one for another time)
*Poor You. You're perfect, and your partner just fucks up everyday, all day*
This is not true. And if it is, why aren't you dating someone who you feel is on your level?
If you know deep down inside you really love them, and you may just be exaggerating in a moment of anger or hurt, take a step back and think before you start complaining. If you are trying to express your feelings to your partner, don't get into the comparisons of how you do things right, and they are messing up constantly.
When you're comparing how they never do this or that, you are setting yourself up for a situation where you guys are in a competition. It can become that you both are constantly waiting on the other person to mess up so that you or them can be on top now.
Instead, be realistic and give them credit for the fact that it's not all the time that they are making mistakes. This time may be a big mistake, or something you just need to get off your chest - but do make sure you note previous times where they may have handled a similar situation in a better way. If something like the current situation you are angry about has happened before, was there ever a time your partner acted in a way that was more to your liking or more sensitive towards your feelings? If so, talk about that in your conversation as well.
When you show that you are balancing your perspective, and not just bringing up only the negative, it shows your partner that you do appreciate their value to your life. Pointing out the bad can get exhausting for both of you - you're talking and feeling like you're not being heard, and they're getting mad. You can feel like you're not being heard because more than likely, you aren't. When a person feels like they have to be on the defensive, they are going to be doing way more talking than listening. When you establish that you are trying to be fair, that other person will be more open to what you have to say & make changes.
This distortion in a person's perception can add negativity and waste a conversation and both partners' time.
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Remember you can send me stuff to AskKeeyaR@gmail.com, too!
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