A Lesson in Self-Esteem

I recently had a phone conversation with a good friend that really affected me. My friends and I tell each other stories about our stupidity ALL the time, but this time, I felt the need to get serious. She was going on and on about a guy she was seeing, and it was clear he did not see her as anything more than a sex partner. Which is fine, except that she has feelings for him. I’m going to say here what I said to her:

When we get caught up in bad situations, it’s important to be mindful of the fact that every experience affects our self-esteem. EVERY SITUATION. Any success or failure, big or small. Experiences will affect our self-esteem for the good or bad, and we have no control over that. We can control, though, is how deep it goes.

New Rules of Relationships in 2012? Cheating Isn’t the End of the World?

I’m talking to one of my oldest and best friends the other day & I loved the conversation we had. She was explaining to me how, now that we are older (25 and up), she believes women begin to stop feeling guilty about cheating. The old feelings of guilt should be replaced with a satisfied feeling of achievement…..and pleasure.

She goes on to say, she is not going to let to an opportunity pass her by ever again, just because she is “temporarily coupled up” - especially when, in this day and age, nothing lasts forever. When you ask a person how many relationships they’ve been in, they usually have a pretty long history – or at least SOME history of relationships that have now ended. It means, THEY END. Doesn’t matter how long they lasted, eventually it was over.

How Do You Handle When Your Friend is Dating a Jerk?

Happens all the time… Your friend is involved with someone who is so blatantly wrong for them. In fact, it’s like the worse the guy is, the MORE she likes him! And then she wants to talk to you about him all the time. What do you do? Do you tell her she’s an idiot and put strain on your friendship? Do you pretend to be happy for her, and risk encouraging a situation that you know is going to be hurtful in the end?

The Only Time You Know He Wants To Be with You Is When He’s Begging To Stay (Advice to MEN & Women)

[I’m going to speak on this one in terms of a male to female relationship, but it applies across the board to gay relationships as well. You can always substitute gender terms if it applies]

Sometimes I really wish I could just scream to guys: “Your girl is trippin because the only time she can tell you want to stay is when you’re begging her not to go!” And what do I mean by that? I mean, for some girls, the only time they really hear about how much their man loves them is when she’s had enough and told him she wants out. Then come the tears and the begging and the professions of undying love.

The problem: In some relationships, men get comfortable. In the day to day they seem to take their partner for granted – there’s no appreciation, mention of the things he loves about his partner, no over-the-top “I Love You’s,”no random romantic gestures…nothing. If the couple argues, he might walk out or in the days after, he’s fine with the silent tension.

A Major Mistake Guys Make With Finances

For this topic, I’ll speak on from experience. I’ve had this problem in a few of my own relationships, and it’s definitely something that hits home for me on many levels: When guys (and honestly, some girls) get so caught up in doing BIG things, they forget the SMALL things matter too. I’ve seen it through marriages in some of my clients and/or family members, and I’ve watched it happen to my friends.

When a man isn’t where he wants be financially, this can cause major issues. Men have a huge expectation on them to provide financially, an expectation which women don’t automatically have. A woman making less than her partner may cause a little friction, but it’s not looked at like a huge failure the way it is when a man is bringing in less revenue. For some, financial hardship can bring into question a guy’s very manhood and that can really hurt.

Importance of Being Consistent With What You Want

A lot of my current work focuses on family relationships, specifically parenting issues. Lately, discipline has been the hot topic with my families and the whole time we’re discussing the techniques, my brain is relating it to couple relationships. One great technique we talk about, and it continues to stick out to me, is using CONSISTENCY.

Using consistency will work REALLY WELL in romantic relationships because the underlying issue with discipline is just RESPECT anyway. And you definitely have to make sure you’re getting it in your love life – so this fits perfectly! One thing I know to be true is that Respect is gained by being consistent and staying true to what you say – in other words, “Walking the Talk.”

A lot of times, people complain certain aspects of their relationship that have to do with things their partner is doing - a woman complains her husband never helps her clean up, girl complains someone she is dating never returns her calls consistently, a guy reminds his partner almost daily about something they're doing which he can't stand. You can never change someone else, you can only make changes to yourself. Since you can't control what the other person is doing, change what you do have control over - YOU. You CAN change the way you react to it. Start by being consistent with your standards. 

How NOT to Let Facebook & Twitter Ruin Your Relationship

I always hear people screaming about how social networks are “ruining relationships,” but I think a relationship can do just fine if there are guidelines. I don’t think the answer is deciding you can only date someone who doesn’t have a facebook, twitter, or myspace profile. I think the answer is upholding some kind of standards. Besides, a website can't do anything you don't LET it do

**My constant disclaimer: these things apply to many relationships! Every generation is on social networking sites nowadays so people in marriages, new relationships, live-in relationships – every stage can relate to this. And it gender doesn’t matter either. Guys and girls deal with both sides of the issue. As well as those in homosexual or heterosexual relationships.**